Chinchillas man

Tbh I don't even know anymore.



mom: why are you always asking for money?



16 hours ago with 161,297 notes


i may act like i’m sassy but if you’re mean to me there is a 900% chance i’ll cry

16 hours ago with 469,877 notes

If you’re ever worried that you fucked up real bad, just remember that there are over 2,500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner-induced genital trauma in the United States each year. 

16 hours ago with 33,426 notes




why aren’t there synonyms for “me”

because there’s no one else like you

that was surprisingly adorable

16 hours ago with 174,761 notes


okay so if harry potter was born in 1980, and went to hogwarts in like 91, that means he was in his sixth year in 1996
do you think he knew about the spice girls? i mean.. i know he had shit going on with horcruxes that year but wannabe isn’t something that happens without you taking note of it

16 hours ago with 83,666 notes


those cashiers that let you buy things when you’re missing a few cents deserve to live forever

16 hours ago with 163,068 notes




new rule.  if you’re going to reblog my post and add a comment you will now be charged accordingly

i do not accept the chrages

Letter charge (27): $2.70
Word charge (6):    $6.00
Sentences (1):        $3.00
Typos (1):               $1.50
Tax (7.5%):             $0.99
Total:                    $14.19

16 hours ago with 148,613 notes


I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

16 hours ago with 91,214 notes


well-written novel sized fanfiction


16 hours ago with 92,468 notes